” ● An attempt to be personal, but falls flat: “I see you like playing Scrabble!I like mountain biking.” Good Messages ● Mentions something you have in common ● Respectful ● Asks about something in your profile ● Talks about things that are specific to your profile that aren’t your physical appearance ● No glaring spelling or grammar errors ● Funny Unfortunately — but perhaps not all that surprisingly — the majority of the messages we received were mediocre or downright bad.“We recommend signing up for one major site with a guaranteed high number of users and a smaller, more niche site, to provide a good cross section of matches in your area.” says Krissy Dolor, the director of dating at e Flirt.
(According to a study from data off Ok Cupid, the majority of women don’t send the first message in online dating conversations.) To keep our judgments as objective as possible, we used the following definitions: Bad Messages ● Spam or a scam ● Harassing or threatening ● Obscene ● Extremely short: “Hi beautiful” ● Generic copy-and-paste: “I found many features of your profile interesting” ● A neg: “I like your big nose” ● From someone who acknowledges they’re outside your age range, but messaged anyway ● Passive-aggressive or a guilt trip: “You probably won’t respond to this, but…” ● Obviously from a bot because it’s so generic and from such a sparse profile Mediocre Messages ● Suggestive, but not outright obscene ● Only talks about your physical appearance, but isn’t lascivious ● Impersonal, but starts a conversation: “Any plans for the weekend?We briefly touch on mobile-only dating apps below, but apps deserve a review that’s all their own (so stay tuned).There are great city-specific services (Dating Ring is a perfect example — it’s currently in New York City, the Bay Area, Los Angeles, Boston, and DC), but we only wanted ones that have a nationwide user base. The argument is as old as dating itself: quantity versus quality.Dolor says, “When online dating, people skim through profiles, so it’s important to stand out in the crowd.Avoid being generic with clichés like ‘live, laugh, love’ or ‘I like to laugh and have fun.’” One way for a site to help users avoid that trap is to offer lots of fill-in-the-blanks and multiple-choice questions — that way, you don’t have to come up with any clever turns of phrase.
Chemistry, attraction, and love are obviously difficult to quantify, and (also obviously) different people have different desires, needs, and goals for their romantic lives.